Trusting God: Easier Said Than Done

I've said many times that I have control issues. I want to know what's going to happen, how it's going to happen and when it's going to happen. More specifically, I want to decide all those details.

I get way worse when I'm under pressure. Just ask my wife what I'm like at the airport when we have the kids and need to catch a flight. I'm not very fun to be around. I turn into a drill sergeant, ordering everyone around and expecting (demanding) instant response for every order I bark. 

The best solution I've found for this so far is to stay the heck away from the airport. I'll happily drive 12 hours instead of taking a plane flight. Because that way, I'm in control. Everyone wins!

But when it comes to trusting God, I have yet to find a work-around for when God asks me to trust him and gives me absolutely no details.

And I know I'm not the only one who feels like this. Heck, look at what I was reading in the book of Exodus today:

One day Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Take these people up to the Promised Land.’ But you haven’t told me whom you will send with me. You have told me, ‘I know you by name, and I look favorably on you.’ If it is true that you look favorably on me, let me know your ways so I may understand you more fully and continue to enjoy your favor. And remember that this nation is your very own people.”
The Lord replied, “I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you.” (Exodus 33:12-14)

Let me update that to how people talk where I live.

Moses tells God, "Imma need you to fill me in on your plan", and God says, "Nope, errthing is gonna be fine, take my word for it."

In other words, "Trust me".

Moses than asks God to bless him and his people and God says "sure."

Moses then asks God to let Moses see God, like physically. And God says "okay."

So out of these three requests, the last one being almost insane, the only one that gets declined is the request for more details on what God is going to do.

Which tells me a couple things: First, Moses didn't like having to live without knowing the plan anymore than I do. And second, that God has been asking people to trust him for thousands and thousands of years, so it's probably not going to change anytime soon.

So I can either wait for God to change, or I can get busy trying to get on board with how God wants me to live. You know, the whole, "living by faith rather than by sight" thing (2 Corinthians 5:7).

I've come to the conclusion that I'm never, never, never going to "graduate" to the point where God is going to say, "you got faith down pat, so now you don't have to use it anymore! Here's a complete description of what I'm going to do...." At least, not in the life.

It's like I'm going to have to spend the entire rest of my life in the airport, and I can either drive everyone else crazy, or I can make adjustments. Between me and God, God isn't the one who needs to bend.

I've been through several situations in the past 10 years where I was begging God for details, and like Moses, I got none. Instead, I've been invited to wait and trust. Each time, I've seen God accomplish great things on my behalf in those situations, but I'm going to be honest, I think I'm still going to have a hard time when I'm next asked to wait and trust again. It runs counter to everything within me.

But in the end, the reaction I have is the same one Peter had in John 6:68. Jesus had just rolled out one of his famous unreasonable statements. Most everyone who had been following Jesus to that point bailed on him. When Jesus asked the 12 Disciples/Apostles if they were going to run off as well, Peter's response was, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life."

I wish God gave me more details, but as frustrating as it can be, I know there's no better option. If I insist on grabbing the steering wheel of my life, I know I'm not going to end up as a healthier, happier human being. I'm inherently WAY too selfish.

So when it comes to trusting God, I have no special way to make it easier. I think it's a bit like running. I've been a runner for 10 years. I have hated every step of it, but it makes me a healthier person. I sleep better, I have more energy, I weigh less, etc. But I still hate it everytime I go out. I do it because I want the benefits. I like my life better when I run instead of sitting on the couch.

Trusting God isn't easy or fun, and I don't think it will ever become easy or fun for me, but I'm going to do it because the results are so much better than the alternative.

God really is good and generous and kind, even when my situation doesn't make me feel that way. So I'll just have to trust that's true.