Recently, I went to see the new Mario movie (as opposed to the old Mario movie) at the theater with my son and oldest daughter.
During the movie, there was a guy sitting in the front row who repeatedly scrolled on his phone while it was set to maximum brightness before he walked out 3/4 of the way through the movie, then a guy with two little kids in the row right in front of me TOOK A CALL ON SPEAKER during the movie.
I had to take several deep breaths not to absolutely kirk out on him.
(Shoutout to the old Inconsiderate Cell Phone Man trailers which used to run before movies and I paid homage to with my image on this post.)
It’s been a noticeable phenomenon that there has been more bad behavior out in public since the COVID restrictions lifted. Not just in movie theaters, but also a concerts with a spate of people throwing things at performers, as well as (in my observation) a large increase in people doing dangerous maneuvers while driving — such as driving on the shoulder at high speeds. In Baltimore, where I live, a recent incident on the highway resulted in the deaths of 6 construction workers after a man was driving over 120mph in the middle of the day.
An article on Vox observed this phenomenon and attempted to determine the cause. The author, in speaking with some academics, feels that this is likely the result of the pandemic and people losing social IQ. He makes the case that this is likely temporary and that public scorn and shame will eventually bring people back into proper etiquette. It’s a good article, but I respectfully disagree.
I do not believe that the pandemic caused the issues we are facing. I believe it accelerated changes which were already occurring rather than creating new issues.
I believe that the issues we are facing are not social at their root. I believe they are ethical.
Let me outline two major trends which I believe support this conclusion:
First, we as a society have extolled the value of subjectivism quite heavily starting with Gen X and increasing with each subsequent generation.
Subjectivism is when each person can determine their own right and wrong. Have you heard the phrase “everyone needs to find their own truth,” or some variation of that? I would assume you have, because it’s everywhere from commercials to curriculum. The idea of tolerance works with this idea. Everyone believes something different — whatever is right for them — and everyone else must tolerate it.
Here’s the issue: what if I believe in talking on the phone at the movie? If you tell me it’s wrong, I would say it may be wrong for you, but it’s not wrong for me. You can’t determine what’s wrong for me. That’s judging, the greatest wrong anyone can commit in subjectivism. Living my truth overrules your preferences.
When I challenge my college students around this idea, they always stop short of telling me my truth is wrong, even if I use a preposterous example like “I like to kill college students.” (Thankfully, this is not actually true.) My students will tell me that if I kill college students, I will go to jail. I tell them that whether or not I go to jail is irrelevant because I have to live out my truth.
They always stop here, because they understand that if they put limitations on me (you can’t kill college students), they understand it allows for others to put limitations on them (you can’t talk on a phone in a movie theater), This might infringe on their ability to decide their own truth, and a subjectivist viewpoint cannot allow this. Being a subjectivist means I am not accountable to anyone other than myself.
Second, I believe social media has not only decreased in-person social IQ (as seen in norms, mores and etiquette), but it has also increased narcissism. We interact with platforms which constantly seek to cater to us. Who do you want to follow? Do you want to like this post? Do you want to retweet this post? Do you want to see more posts like this one? In the article I mentioned above, main character syndrome is brought up, which is the entire point of social media platforms: making you the main character and everyone else an optional side character. Each person, thanks to the algorithms, is closed into an echo chamber, so they end up believing everyone thinks the same way they do.
Imagine if I had yelled at the guy using speakerphone in the movie theater. He then goes on social media and posts that some a-hole just screamed at him while he was with his kids. Then in his comments, people are saying “omg, i hate people like that” and he walks away assured that he has been wronged. He is the hero of the story, and I am a villain.
In the worst incidents (which seem to be increasing in frequency,) these echo chambers turn anger into violent words which becomes violent action.
A man who killed black people because they were black in Buffalo, New York last year recently said, “Looking back now, I can’t believe I actually did it. I believed what I read online and acted out of hate.” That quote was in an article about a shooting in Florida wherein a man also shot black people solely for reasons of bigotry. I would wager everything I own that the seed of this latest attack will be found with online material and interaction.
If you want to know what we can do about it, you may not love the answer. It’s by being willing to sacrifice.
“You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow.” (Matthew 5:38-42)
And listen, this wasn’t just nice sounding talk. Jesus and all his disciples were murdered. Many martyrs through the centuries have followed in those footsteps. They were willing to die to fight evil in a very, very different way than our world understands.
Until we are willing to sacrifice, any fighting we do will just add to the mix and make things worse. Jesus certainly fought the powers of evil in our world. He calls us to join the fight, but instead of a gun, he says, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me.”
You are going to encounter subjectivism everyday more and more until the day you die. You need to decide how you are going to respond. Fight fire with fire? Scream your truth louder and louder into the vortex of social media? Or look for ways to sacrifice and treat others as better than yourself?
At the very least, we can stop being an echo chamber. When others attack or insult or devalue us, we can choose not to reciprocate. As Peter says, “Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing.”
As we do this, we put our faith in the fact that while we can’t fix the world, we can focus on being signposts of the kingdom which will do exactly that. A kingdom bought with the blood of a creator who had no obligation to suffer for his creation. We must be willing to give our best as we look forward to seeing a world of justice and righteousness when his kingdom comes and his will is done upon the earth.