35@35 #14: Dead Ends

TC's Principles and Guidelines for Life #14: "If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got." Yes. I did totally steal this one from Einstein.

I have found that doing some study of human personalities (including assessments of my own personality) has been extremely helpful to me both in understanding myself and in learning to interact in a healthy manner with others - including within a community setting.

Using the DiSC personality system, I have quite a bit of "I" in me. The I personality is generally playful and innovative. Think 'squirrel' or 'otter'.

So I'm not only okay with change, I crave it. I want to do something differently just to keep it interesting for myself.

Vastly different than the I personality is the S personality - somebody who is Steady, reliable, dependable, loyal. Thing 'golden retriever'.

11% of the population has I as their primary trait.

69% of the population has S as their primary trait.

This is why, when you try to initiate mass changes, you get resistance.

When Facebook updates something, all the S personality people on your wall are upset because they don't like change.

So for me, if something isn't working, I'm almost happy, because it turns into a puzzle - what new approach can I try to improve this?

But 7 out of 10 people would rather keep doing something ineffective than try something new.

As a leader in an organization, I have to be sensitive to this. One of the most effective approaches to leading change is by using a model called here to there that Bill Hybels leverages.

Paint a picture of where your organization or group is at, and make sure everybody sees all the problems.

Imagine you're on a sinking ship - you need to take them around to all the places that water is gushing in and show them the areas that are underwater so they get a picture of the fact that the ship is indeed sinking.

Only then can you convince them to move off of that ship.

Because for some people - many people, in fact - getting what you've always got is preferable to doing something new. Even if what you're getting is effectively useless.

So Einsteins statement, which I have totally adopted as a proverb in my own life, is brilliant. But not everyone is going to be able to embrace it immediately. They may need help making that jump.

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35@35 is a blog series by Thomas Christianson which involves 35 blog posts in 2014 on 35 things he has learned at the age of 35.

35@35 #13: Unpopular Opinions

TC's Principles and Guidelines for Life #13: "It's good to have a couple unpopular opinions." I wear my unpopular opinions like a badge of honor.

To me, they indicate that I am not simply willing to accept what I hear as fact.

They mean that I think for myself in an age where we have multiple cable channels that are incredibly popular simply because they tell people what they want to hear.

I'm always weary of 'group think', the dynamic where alternative perspectives are ignored for the sake of pseudo harmony.

If you put me in a situation where everybody is agreeing, I'm going to start playing counter point just to force everyone to examine their own belief or opinion.

Sometimes, I may go a bit far and start arguing just because I like to argue, but the overall purpose is to make sure there is safety in sharing opposing viewpoints for anybody who wants to disagree.

Sometimes, I flat out disagree with commonly held viewpoints ("As an American, I have a duty to engage in the political process by voting"), and other times I feel it is important to explore nuances ("Does supporting troops mean that I support war?")

Now, I think that in order for an unpopular opinion to be valid, you must be able to defend your position. Taking a stance just to get a rise out of people isn't valuable in the least.

Anybody can say that they hold another viewpoint, but without the ability to intellectually defend a position using respectable grounds (logic, philosophy, theology, scientific, etc), you're demonstrating ignorance. On the internet, we call this 'trolling'. I'm not a fan of this.

We must be willing to drop our opposing viewpoints if facts or compelling arguments demand that we must do so.

I am willing to be proved wrong as I explore new concepts within frequently trod paths of understanding.

Our brains...our intellect...is a gift from God. I never turn it off. Not when I watch TV, not when I go to church, not in meetings or conferences.

As long as we know how to have respectful discussion around disagreements, sharing differing perspectives and viewpoints makes us stronger.

Oh, and I almost forgot:

Cats are better than dogs.

U2 is the best band of all-time (Coldplay is 2nd and rising fast).

Hawaii is overrated as a vacation destination.

You're welcome.

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35@35 is a blog series by Thomas Christianson which involves 35 blog posts in 2014 on 35 things he has learned at the age of 35.

35@35 #12: Being Wounded

TC's Principles and Guidelines for Life #12: "Imperfect situations do not have perfect solutions." Sometimes, I wish I had magic prayer words. Or fairy dust. Or silver bullets.

I run into people on a fairly regular basis who find themselves in tough circumstances.

They have a loved one who is struggling with addiction; or their finances are a mess due to un/under employment; or they are struggling with serious illness.

And in those moments, I want to fix what's wrong.

I hate looking them in the eye and knowing that when our conversation ends and they walk away, that problem is still going to exist.

I offer genuine words of encouragement, I pray with them, I give advice if it's asked for, and I truly empathize.

But I can't fix it.

They are in pain, and I can't make them better.

Instead, I point to the one who is healer.

See stuff gets broken: cell phone screens, cars, furniture, etc.

But people don't get broken. They get wounded.

So we don't need a fixer. We need a healer.

That's one of the aspects of God - He is a healer.

Wounds will normally heal on their own. But if it's a big injury, it needs help to heal. A bone may need to be set. Stitches may be needed. Infection may need to be cut out.

Broken things stay broken if they aren't fixed. Wounded things may not heal properly if not treated.

So I spend most of my time in these conversations pointing to the healer. Offering scriptures and prayer that remind us to trust in God.

But it's the same thing as telling somebody to go to the doctor: I can't force them to go. They may decide not to.

And if they do go, there's no guarantee they will follow the prescription.

If a doctor tells you to take medicine, if you fail to go to the pharmacy, or fail to take the pills as instructed, you're not going to get the benefit.

Healing takes time. We have to follow the instructions of the healer in order to see the process occur, and we have to be patient.

Engage with the cure and give it time to work.

This is the formula for healing.

And if the first approach doesn't complete the process (not that God is wrong, but sometimes there may be more than one issue), we must be willing to return and submit to further instructions.

And cure is often painful. Have you ever read the side effects of medicine? It's nuts! For a temporary period of time, you're going to hurt yourself in order to get healthy.

This is why I say imperfect situations do not have perfect solutions. Because healing will involve pain.

Setting a broken bone is not fun, but it's incredibly important.

It's not a perfect solution, but it's the best one we've got.

Trusting ourselves to the care of a capable healer is essential to life.

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35@35 is a blog series by Thomas Christianson which involves 35 blog posts in 2014 on 35 things he has learned at the age of 35.

35@35 #11: Tactical

TC's Guidelines and Principles for life #11: "When searching for a product, to see the best version of that product, search for the word ‘tactical’." Look, normally my posts have some kind of spiritual and emotional value associated with them.

This one? Not so much.

Here's how I started to learn about this life hack: when I needed good gloves for an adventure race I was about to join, I had a ton of trouble finding ones that could handle adverse conditions.

Until I added one little word in front of my searches: 'tactical'.

And that's how I found the blackhawk gloves that are marketed to special forces troops.

Need a good flashlight? Get a tactical flashlight?

Backpack? Boots? Raincoat?

Getting something designed for military use is a great way to get a product that can handle a lot of rough and tumble use.

I still have those gloves years later. I still have my Maxpedition sling backpack as well.

Any anytime I need a product that can stand up to harsh use, I only need to remember one simple little word.

"Tactical".

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35@35 is a blog series by Thomas Christianson which involves 35 blog posts in 2014 on 35 things he has learned at the age of 35.

35@35 #10: Loving Others

TC's Guidelines and Principles for Life #10: "God doesn't call us to change people, he calls us to love people." I was listening to Nadia Bolz-Weber the other day and she said something that impacted me. She said that, as a minister, she doesn't feel responsible for what people in her faith community believe. But she does feel incredibly responsible for what they hear coming from the pulpit.

In other words, she is only responsible for what she can actually control.

To share a similar concept from an entirely different realm, I head Tyson Chandler (center for the New York Knicks) share some advice he got early in his playing career: that some nights, his offense was just going to stink.

Some nights, the ball just won't go through the hoop, and there's nothing you're going to be able to do about it in that moment. But that there is no reason why his defense should ever have an off game. Because defense is about hustle - and that's a choice rather than luck.

We have been given freedom of choice by the God who created us.

We can choose to have faith and follow his calling in our lives, or to ignore it.

God shares, broadcasts, announces his love - through his scriptures; through his sacrifice in Jesus; through faith communities that are called by his name - and he allows us to decide if we will accept that love and allow it to change us.

Jesus, in his ministry, doesn't spend most of his time telling people to stop doing this or that, but instead pointing to what we miss out on if we neglect a relationship with God: love and peace and joy and community and true fulfillment, etc.

Why should our purpose be different?

Martin Luther King Jr said that hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.

Instead of finding things we hate about other people (which leads us to want to change them), let's instead find the areas we love about them and build community around that.

When we live in a place of sincere acceptance for others, we truly become agents of God's good news - that the God who made us and knows everything about us, loves us - and wants to help us become the version of ourselves that God intends for us. A person filled with love, peace, joy, etc.

You can't control people, but you can chose whether or not you will love them.

Like hustle on a basketball court, there's no reason why we can't love people in any given situation, because while what they do isn't in our control, how we respond to them is.

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35@35 is a blog series by Thomas Christianson which involves 35 blog posts in 2014 on 35 things he has learned at the age of 35.

35@35 #9: Self Awareness

TC's Guidelines and Principles for Life #9: "Don’t send an email response while angry.  Put it in the draft folder first." This is a pretty specific guideline, and maybe you don't have the problem of sometimes over reacting to mean emails like I do, but the principle of this statement actually goes beyond just getting a frustrating email/facebook reply/rude text.

Psalm 4:4 says this: "Don't sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent. "

Other translations start that verse even more bluntly: "Be angry and do not sin."

Here's what I get out of that: God knows we are going to get angry sometimes. The scripture doesn't say 'Don't get angry.' It says 'When you get angry, don't sin.'

Then, it gives a specific instruction: think about it overnight before you say anything.

I don't think we're supposed to spend that interlude stewing and thinking of how we can say the most hurtful, hateful thing we can thing of.

It seems more like we're supposed to calm down before we respond to whatever has made us angry.

For me, a rude or obnoxious email can send me to that place of being angry. A lot faster than it probably should. I'm working on that.

But because I'm not a robot and I can't flip a switch to be better at handling that part of my emotions, I need a way to handle them while I'm also trying to get better at it.

So for me, it means that if I am replying to a rude email, I put the message in a draft folder before sending it. I give myself time to cool down, then I go re-read it (and usually change it) prior to sending it.

Maybe for you, it's not a rude email. Maybe your weakness is dealing with change. Maybe it's when people are condescending to you. Or it's a tendency to over react to people based on self esteem issues. It could be anything.

Whatever it is that puts you in a place of angry responses: first, be aware of your trigger.

When somebody hits your trigger (like sending you an angry email), recognize it.

Create the space to calm down. For me, it's a draft folder. Maybe you just need to go breathe deeply for 10 minutes. Maybe you need to just smile and say you'll talk to them later.

Whatever it is, put healthy guidelines in your life that will help you not to sin when you are angry.

We all get angry, but we can all learn how to respond to that emotion in healthy ways.

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35@35 is a blog series by Thomas Christianson which involves 35 blog posts in 2014 on 35 things he has learned at the age of 35.

35@35 #8: Selflessness

TC's Guidelines and Principles for Life #8: "Never defend or justify yourself, let God do that. Just answer questions with honesty." So listen, this guideline will totally not work for everybody.

It will only apply to people who take Jesus seriously when he says "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me." (Matthew 16:24)

Those of us who have made the choice to follow Jesus have signed up for a life of learning to die to ourselves.

As Dietrich Bonhoeffer says in Cost of Discipleship, "when Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die".

I hate this part of following Jesus. Everything in me wants to be selfish and fulfill any appetite I may discover within myself.

Yet I have learned the value of not doing that. It's because of this that I'm participating in Lent this year. I have given up all electronic entertainment (TV, Netflix, Movies, Video Games, etc) for 40 days so that I can instead focus on reading and prayer. Activities that I know improve the quality of my life and help me grow closer to God.

But they are less instantly gratifying that entertaining myself, so I naturally neglect them.

How does this all relate to the guideline that I try to live by, not to defend myself?

It may sound like I'm advocating that we, as believers should be doormats. On the contrary, I believe it's easy and expected and instantly gratifying to defend myself. To try to get revenge on people who speak ill of me.

Indignation is like rage candy. "How dare you!"

I'm asking us to go beyond that. To make the choice not to pick up our weapons when insulted. That takes more courage that most of us commonly walk around with. It's the opposite of being a doormat.

It means not being passive aggressive, or fantasizing about putting people in their place.

Miroslav Volf, in Exclusion and Embrace, makes the argument that in a world where trying to pay back injustice with injustice creates a never ending system of...you guessed it...injustice.

"If you want justice and nothing but justice, you will inevitably get injustice. If you want justice without injustice, you must want love." (Volf, 223)

It is not until we are willing to let God have the last word by refusing to repay evil for evil within our own lives that we truly become the peacemakers that Jesus talks about in the Sermon on the Mount. (See Matthew 5).

When I seek to justify myself, it leads to angry emails or pointed conversations. But when I trust God to deal with any unfair or untrue accusations, I embrace what Henri Nouwen refers to as the 'downward mobility' that should exist in the life of every believer.

We fulfill the parable of the wedding guests who take a seat of low honor and are publicly honored by the host (Luke 14:7-14).

I've been reading the book of Job again recently, and the only mistake I see from Job is that he tries to justify himself. God, in his response to Job, never takes issue with any of Jobs specific points of argument. Rather, he appears to take umbrage with Job's tone.

Job's only mistake was his efforts to defend and justify himself against his friends (and considering what he went through, that's pretty impressive).

When we are attacked or criticized without cause (look, if you're not doing your job and your boss criticizes you, this doesn't apply to you. Do you job.), we have a choice. We can defend ourselves or let God defend us.

Personally, I like the latter choice. Because when we put ourselves in God's hands, not only are we safe from anything that he doesn't permit, but we make ourselves open to receive his blessings.

That's a much better alternative than me getting the visceral benefit of demonstrating my contempt or anger through criticism or insult.

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35@35 is a blog series by Thomas Christianson which involves 35 blog posts in 2014 on 35 things he has learned at the age of 35.

35@35 #7: Identity

TC's Guidelines and Principals for Life #7: "Don’t worry so much about where you are, focus on who you are.  Worry more about what’s happening in you than what’s happening to you." I learned this lesson when I found myself stuck in a corporate job that I didn't want. I'm grateful for the job, because it allowed me to provide for my family while I was working on attaining a graduate degree in Theology.

But the job didn't connect with what I felt God had called me to do, so I was pretty miserable.

One morning, as I was walking to the train to start my day (which also included a 3 hour commute), I felt God say this guideline to me. That I was so worried about what I was doing, that I wasn't paying attention to what God wanted to do within me. That the frustrating situation that I was in was actually causing me to become a different person.

A person who needed more faith and trust in God. A person who would have compassion for people who were stuck in the same type of situation.

I was eating manna in the wilderness because God was preparing me for the promised land he had for me.

Israel could have crossed from Egypt to Canaan in a matter of weeks or perhaps months. It took 40 years because God had to prepare them for their destination.

If you have areas in your life where you are frustrated, ask God what he wants to accomplish in you during that situation.

I found that God was dealing with specific issues within me that he wanted to deal with: pride, impatience, anxiety; and so he would put me in situations that really brought those problems to the front in my life. Then, he would go to work, helping me to confront those issues.

God is less concerned with getting us somewhere 'quickly' as he is with us being 'healthy' when we get there.

Elsewhere, I've made the analogy that God is more like a crockpot than a microwave.

God wants us to to grow as a person and connect more with Him before we start going off and trying to do something with it. And that's basically the opposite of what our culture tells us. Success means being the first to make it to a certain level.

But God isn't keeping score like some demented rat race. He's building relationships that make up his Kingdom of love and peace and joy.

And unless you become a healthy person, you'll never get to enjoy the benefits of that kingdom.

Stop measuring yourself against others, and instead time time to learn what God's agenda is for you.

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35@35 is a blog series by Thomas Christianson which involves 35 blog posts in 2014 on 35 things he has learned at the age of 35.

35@35 #6: Forgiveness

TC's Guidelines and Principals for Life #6: "Forgiveness is the core of Christianity." I've read several books in the last year plus that have talked about handling hurt and forgiveness.

No Freedom Without Forgiveness by Desmond Tutu talked about post apartheid South Africa.

Evil and the Justice of God by N.T. Wright dealt with theodicy - the discipline of explaining the existence of evil in light of an omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient God, which delves quickly into the reality being hurt and offended in this life.

Exclusion and Embrace by Miroslav Volf, a Croat who wrote with a context of the brutal warfare his country engaged to examine how we can create true community with one another.

Out of these texts, one of the most sticking take away point was this: that the defining characteristic of Christianity is the call to love one's enemy.

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven.  ~Jesus (Matthew 5:43-45)

We live in a world of hurts, both great and small on a daily basis. You were out of milk for cereal this morning. You were cut off in traffic. Your boss/teacher criticized you in front of your peers. A rumor was started about you on social media.

Or maybe worse is going on. You're being abused. You were attacked. You've been robbed.

Our normal way of handling the feelings and frustration and injustice of these situations is to either pay it back upon our offender, or, when that isn't possible, to look for other ways we can vent our anger.

Often, this means we lash out at others who most likely had nothing to do with what wounded us. That's our nature. "Misery loves company" the saying goes.

When I have been hurt, if I cannot demand justice from the perpetrator because I don't know who they are, or they are too strong for me to hurt in the manner that I was hurt, then I will visit my pain on others. At least then others have to deal with my same issues and I can find shallow comfort in that.

When I was a child, I was taught that we should treat others the way we wish to be treated. My problem with this system was that a person who did not follow it would never be punished. I decided that the buck would stop with me. If somebody was being mean or selfish, I would give them a taste of their own medicine.

While my solution was foolish (I did mention I was a child, right?), I believe my logic still stands.

But Jesus answered this question in a different manner. He saw that at some point the tally sheet must balance. And instead of giving back to each person what they have stored up (though that will happen one day), at this time, he would stop the cycle of hurt and blame and offense and anger by failing to reciprocate it.

On the cross, his reaction was to forgive those who had hurt him (Luke 23:34).

By breaking the cycle of violence, and indeed offering forgiveness, he gave everyone an exit from the perverse merry go round of injustice.

That is why Jesus not only calls us to be willing to carry a cross, but he goes even further to say this:

"If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine." (Matthew 10:38)

If you can't make the choice to break the cycle of repaying hurt for hurt, you aren't able to build his kingdom. It would be impossible.

If you wish to follow Jesus, loving your enemy isn't optional. It's is absolutely central.

For that is what God did for each and every one of us.

Here's how Paul put it: "But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." (Romans 5:8)

If we wish to belong to God's kingdom, loving our enemies is not optional. Jesus wasn't making a nice suggestion or stating a hyperbole.

The message of the cross is this: God forgave you, now go forgive others.

When Peter bluntly asked Jesus how many times he had to forgive in Matthew 18, Jesus' response was essentially 'Don't stop forgiving'. Because when we stop forgiving others, we ourselves stop receiving it. (That's a pretty scary thought, right?)

That point, when you're no longer willing to carry a cross, is the point at which you can no longer follow Jesus. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I'm not going to talk about whether that affects your eternal destiny, because that is secondary.

If you're not following Jesus, you're missing out on what God has for you right here and right now.

Let us be careful each day to forgive. Not to become foolish doormats. If you're being abused, seek safe refuge. If you are attacked for a reason other than your faith in Jesus, seek responsible defenses.

But let us never stop offering the forgiveness that none of us deserves to those who have harmed us. In doing so, we expand God's Kingdom in a way that no violence could ever stop it.

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35@35 is a blog series by Thomas Christianson which involves 35 blog posts in 2014 on 35 things he has learned at the age of 35.

35@35 #5: Introspection

TC's Guidelines and Principles for Life #5: "Introspection is the most valuable tool in spiritual and emotional development." It's hard to come face to face with your own shortcomings.

Realizing that I'm not a pinnacle of righteousness in a fallen world didn't fit well into the 'me against the world' narrative that I carried for many years.

The day, when I was a teenager, that I realized that I hated my dad and that if I was going to follow Jesus, I couldn't continue to do that...was hard.

I wasn't some victim, or some innocent bystander. I was doing something evil.

The day when, as a graduate student in seminary, I realized that my faith had become a façade rather a living relationship with God was also hard. Realizing that I had hiked halfway up a mountain only to discover it was the wrong mountain left me a choice:

Pretend that I was actually doing the right thing and keep going, or head back down and start over again.

But this post isn't about what to do when you discover your mistake, or your fault, or your sin or your wrong perception.

It's about getting to that moment of realization.

I love reading the Psalms. David is always exploding emotionally all over God, and instead of smiting David, or sending a prophet to tell David 'Shut up', God instead describes David as a man after His own heart (1 Samuel 13:14).

One of the scariest, and yet most fulfilling, experiences I have in my life of faith is when, in the midst of

fear

or

anger

or

anxiety

or

frustration

or

despair

or

lust

or

greed

or

hate

or

selfishness

or

impatience

or

pride

or

anything that I know isn't life giving seems to be filling my head or heart; and instead of trying to shoo those thoughts and feelings out of myself like a man with a weak flashlight in the midst of a rat and roach infested house, I invite God into that place with me.

I becoming willing to see the darkness, the brokeness, the evil within myself rather than try to pretend it doesn't exist.

In those moments, I see the amazing work of the Holy Spirit, who breathes life into areas that were crippled by shame or embarrassment.

I receive healing and forgiveness and strength and life, and those places that were holding me back suddenly become places that are drawing me closer to God.

My emotional life and my spiritual life starts bursting forth with rainbow colors where there was only bland grayness before.

That is the power of being willing to walk about in the walls of your own life in the presence of God.

That is why David was a man after God's own heart. Nothing was off limits to God from David's heart. Well, except in an incident regarding a woman named Bathsheba. David closed God off from those feelings, and it led to multiple deaths (Bathsheeba's husband, and the child conceived by David's adultery).

To David's credit, when he was confronted, he threw wide the gates to his heart and begged God to come back in. (Read Psalm 51 to hear David's turn to God in the aftermath of his sinful choices).

That's the awesomeness of introspection. It doesn't guarantee that you won't mess up. But it means to don't have to stay in a downward spiral until you hit the ground in a fiery explosion.

You don't have to live in a house of rats and roaches, hoping to use your light to keep them off you.

You can take back those places within yourself.

The man who I've been pointing to probably said it best:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,and lead me along the path of everlasting life." (Psalm 139:23-24)

That which are ignored do not improve.

If we want healthy spirituality and healthy emotions, we will have to summon our courage and open the door to the basement of our lives. Down in that dark, unfamiliar area, we will find the opportunity to apply the grace and mercy that God so freely grants us. And in doing so, can begin to see change in our everyday lives.

May we be brave enough to fight the darkness in our lives rather than to ignore it, or run from it.

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35@35 is a blog series by Thomas Christianson which involves 35 blog posts in 2014 on 35 things he has learned at the age of 35.

35@35 #4: Cost

TC's Guidelines and Principles for Life #4: "Everything has a price." When you walk into a store and you decide what kind of jacket or computer or which options you want on the car you're buying, at some point in this process, you're going to look at the price tag on these items.

Heck, the price tag may be the first thing you look at. No sense in deciding you like something if it's way out of your price range, right?

But say you see two jackets that you like equally. The tie breaker is probably going to be the cost, right? No sense paying $100 if you'd be just as happy with the $60 one.

Sometimes we look at the price tag last. A bride looking at wedding dresses is probably going to find the dress of her dreams and then look at the price tag after finding it.

The bottom line is that we understand when we go shopping that everything has a cost. We need to keep the same thing in mind with everything in life.

Want your dream job? Here's the (likely) price tag: time, energy and money spent on a degree and/or training; building a network of people to help you get jobs which prepare and qualify you for your dream job; time spent combing through job posts, creating resumes and participating in interviews; handling and fighting through rejection when it comes your way.

Want to play an instrument? The cost will be hours of monotonous practice each week. And if it's guitar, a lot of pain in your fingertips.

Want a healthy marriage/relationship? There's a great cost in denying your selfish wants and putting your significant other first. Going to movies you might hate (easy), caring for them in sickness (harder), having to work through arguments (varies), and so on.

Heck, being a blogger has cost me a great deal of time and energy. But it's been worth it to me. I have found and refined my voice through the hundreds of posts. A voice that I have then been given the privilege of using to share my thoughts in various forums: Relevant magazine, a national TV show, and as a teaching pastor at Abundant Life Church in Glen Burnie, MD.

When I go back and look at my first posts, they're not very good. Part of the price for me was doing something that I was so imperfect at in order to get better.

When I was in great shape, completing Tough Mudders and Triathlons, I assure you I was paying a great price in training - 600-800 miles per year.

Everything has a price. The questions is not whether you can do something. The question is 'are you willing to pay the price to get what you want?'

Malcolm Gladwell says it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something.

Not everything I do will be something I've spent 10,000 hours doing. But the things that are important to me, I will put in that time.

I will put 10,000 hours into reading so that I can learn to see life from different perspectives.

I will put 10,000 hours into sharing my thoughts in public forums because I love being part of grand discussions.

I new somebody once who told me she wanted to me a musician. I asked her if she was taking lessons for singing or playing. She said no. I asked if she was making demos to share online. She said no.

It seemed that she was waiting for her dream to show up and knock on her door one day. I tried to tell her that it doesn't work like that. You have to go get your dream.

Looking in the front window of the dream store and saying you wish you could have the thing you love is never going to get you any closer to actually having it.

Because that dream you have of being a writer, or personal trainer, or painter, or professor, or bus driver, or minister, or CEO, or whatever has a price tag on it.

Go start paying that price.

Because people who reach their dreams are people who pay the price.

Al Michaels is a famous sports broadcaster. I heard him tell the story of how he used to do broadcasting at any podunk school or college that would let him do it so that he could learn. He got his big break when he was an announcer in Hawaii.

His comment in the interview I listened to is that sometimes you need a lucky break, but you've got to do the work so that you're ready for that lucky break.

I don't have a magic formula for you to be guaranteed of the dream job you want. If you tell me it's president, I would say it's unlikely, but I would also say that nobody ever accidentally became president. Nobody who fails to pay the price gets the prize.

And those who worked hard to become president learned valuable lessons and met valuable people that opened other doors to them.

The Superbowl is coming up in about a week. Nobody in that game came into the season fat and out of shape, wondering what their goal was.

Not everybody who prepares will be champion, but the champion will not be somebody who was unprepared.

Because, to quote one of my favorite movies, Remember the Titans:

Champions pay the price.

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35@35 is a blog series by Thomas Christianson which involves 35 blog posts in 2014 on 35 things he has learned at the age of 35.

35@35 #3: Religion

TC’s Guidelines and Principles for Life #3: “There’s a big, big difference between living for God and religiosity.” I am grateful that I have had a wide variety of experiences within Christianity. I was raised in a highly structured religion that was built on dogma and catechism.

I have also attended churches on the exact opposite end of the spectrum. Churches that were opposed to any sort of outside influence and strongly sought to have a unique experience on a week-by-week basis.

The most valuable understanding I gained from these different environments is to have learned that there are people who are genuinely seeking God in both environments, and there are people who are just playing a game in both environments.

While some people view liturgical denominations (Lutheran, Catholic, Episcopalian, etc) as being too focused on rules and repetitious religious services, it’s just as easy to become fixated on the elements you may encounter at a non-denominational, evangelical/charismatic church.

Anytime we get our eyes off God and onto the systems we place in our communities of worship, we have missed the point.

Anytime we reduce God to a set of rules or requirements, we have missed the point.

Anytime we’re more worried about our religion than we are about God, we have missed the point.

I have made numerous mistakes in this area of my life. When I was an adolescent, I wanted to throw off the liturgical faith of my childhood because of how constraining I found it. I made the mistake of lumping God in with that religion.

It took me a little time to realize my mistake and to start learning to engage with God directly rather than through a lens that I didn’t like.

After finding myself in a variety of churches and learning institutions that emphasized relationship with God and personal faith over the next decade+, I discovered that I had created, out of these places, a new personal liturgy, which I had put in place of God in my life.

Because religion is easier to manage than God. I can handle a paper tiger much easier than I can handle a real one.

And religion without God is incredibly dangerous. It convinces you that you are accomplishing all that God wants for your life, while robbing you of the chance to actually discover those things.

I have tried to stop putting God into categories or certain roped off areas of my life.

In the end, whether you are religious or not is not the question. Whether or not you are putting God first and seeking His kingdom come and His will be done in your life and through your life is the question.

You can be Methodist, Baptism, Presbyterian, Catholic, Non-Demonicational, Evangelical, or any other branch of Christianity and love Jesus.

That is the right question.

35@35 #2:Belief

TC's Guidelines and Principles for Life #2: "What you believe isn't defined by what you say you believe. It's defined by what you do." Mars One, a non-profit organization based in the Netherlands recently started accepting applications for people who want to be part of the first manned space mission to Mars.

There's a slight catch with this mission, however: it's a one way trip. The people who are part of this mission will not be coming back. Ever. They will leave Earth and spend the rest of their lives on the Red Planet.

When they opened up for applications, they received over 200,000.

Two hundred thousand!

They have since started narrowing the search down and are now down to 1,000 viable candidates.

They are going to choose six teams of four people to start training in 2015.

Here's what I'm curious to see: how many of the people they choose to undertake this mission will accept it?

It's one thing to say 'I'd like to go to Mars'. It's quite another to step on a spaceship after saying goodbye to everybody you ever knew.

You can call yourself a Martian astronaut as much as you want, but until you're rocketing away from earth at 66,000 miles an hour, you're just talking.

Similarly, you can spend a lot of time telling people what you believe:

"I think every kid should receive a strong education."

"I feel like I'm supposed to be a musician."

"I think Jesus is God in the flesh."

The question is this: what are you doing about it? If you really believe something, isn't it going to have an effect on your actions?

If you think we as a society have an obligation to make sure kids are able to read, and write and learn valuable academic and practical skills, what are you doing about it? Are you tutoring in low income areas that need help? Are you involved in local schools that are struggling to achieve that goal?

If you believe you should be a musician, are you taking lessons? Are you practicing for hours a day? are you releasing material for people to hear?

If you believe in Jesus, are you doing the things he told us to do? Feeding the hungry? Clothing the naked? Visiting the prisoner? Caring for the sick? Giving drink to the thirsty?

In fact, a Jesus' brother in law, a guy named James, talked about this very thing in a letter he wrote:

“How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.” (James 2:18b)

We tend to judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions. From that viewpoint, it's very easy to see how you're a good person because of what you 'believe', whereas most people are uncaring because they don't demonstrate to you that they care.

It's an incredible level of hypocrisy that we can all easily fall into. I know I've often struggled with that.

In some instances, we even legitimize feelings like this. Once faith (that I won't call out, because I'm not trying to write an attack ad - and God knows we have enough problems in Christendom to solve) actually says that thinking about doing a good act counts as a good act, and actually doing it counts as 10 good acts, whereas doing a bad act only counts as one bad act.

With that mindset, I can act terribly, but if I consider doing good things, it all evens out in the end.

Another faith (again, I won't mention it) thinks that you can put up flags with prayer on it, and every time that flag flaps in the wind, it counts as a prayer.

With all due respect, this are cop outs.

What you do tells me what you believe. You may think you care about an issue, but if you never do anything about it you don't have a belief. You have an opinion.

That doesn't make you a bad person. We all have opinions. But just sharing them on Facebook doesn't change the world.

Figure out what it is that you believe in life.

And then go show everybody those beliefs.

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35@35 is a blog series by Thomas Christianson which involves 35 blog posts in 2014 on 35 things he has learned at the age of 35.

35@35 #1: Change

TC's Guidelines and Principles for Life #1: "People rarely change, and even then it’s never on their own." We are in the season of New Year's Resolutions. We want to work out more, eat healthier, do more charity, be a better parent or spouse, go back to school, quit smoking, save money, or perhaps all of the above.

These are great ideas. Surely things that would improve the lives of those who undertake these endeavors.

So why is is that only about 8% of New Years Resolutions are actually fulfilled?

I read a quote once (but now can't remember where) that said this: "The rich get richer and the poor get poorer because they both keep doing what they've always done."

This idea doesn't just apply to money: apply it to a healthy lifestyle. Apply it to your engagement as a parent or spouse, apply it to pretty much anything in your life.

So why is it so hard for us to change ourselves?

The simple answer comes from Isaac Newton's first law of motion which is often summed up this way: A body in motion tends to stay in motion, and a body at rest tends to stay at rest.

Unless an outside force exerts force on an object, that object will keep doing what it has been doing. (That's actually the third law).

In other words, if we want to eat differently, or stop doing something (like smoking), or start doing something (like saving money), we're going to have to exert force in that area of our life.

We quickly figure out that it's way, way easier to just let the thing do whatever it was already doing. And then we often give up.

For me to carve out time during my week to write a regular series of blog posts is going to require effort. And that's just a short essay. Being a better husband or father will take not only time, but energy, and sacrifice.

So the bigger the change (or the bigger the object we're trying to move), the more force it will require. No wonder we can give up so easily.

Honestly, some things are just to big and too heavy for us to move on our own. That is where a person of faith will need to engage in a relationship with God to help move the object. And because God is a redeemer rather than a genie, the process will still take time and energy.

This is why we so often fail: because it isn't easy. Who wants to choose the rocky, difficult path when the wide paved way is always right in front of us?

But that begs the question: why do we get so frustrated when other people don't change?

When we fail to change, we are often able to justify that failure (I was too busy, I was too stressed, I was too (fill in the blank)), but when others fail, we turn in to a results based person. I don't care why you didn't do a better job at X, the bottom line is that you let me down.

We recognize the cost of change in our own life and excuse ourselves when we are not prepared to pay that cost. We must learn to extend that same grace to others. If we are not willing to do that, we would be wise not to interact with other people at the point of that frustration we have.

(This is why it's so important to keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards, as Ben Franklin famously said)

It is possible for us to help somebody change: a friend asks you to help them go to the gym on a particular schedule, or asks for you to provide accountability over a particular area of their life.

But it must be noted that this can only occur when you have been invited to do so. The other person must want to change before you can help them in their journey.

So the bottom line is this: people rarely change because change is hard. It's much easier to stay in the rut we've carved out for ourselves.

But if we're ready to ask for help from a God who offers empowering grace, there is always hope.

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." (Romans 12:2a)

"Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.” ~ Jesus (Matthew 19:26b)

35 Things I've Learned At 35: A New Blog Series for 2014

I have created two personal goals for 2014. First is to read the stack of books that has been growing on my desk for the past year. So I will probably need to read 20-30 pages a day minimum, which is totally do-oable.

Second is to write a series of blog posts. 35 of them to be specific, with 35 things I’ve learned now that I am the ripe old age of 35.

I’ve had a word document for over a decade that I titled ‘TCs Guidelines and Principles of Life’ that I like to think of as my version of Solomon’s Proverbs.

To be clear: I think Solomon’s are better, but hey, I’ve got what I’ve got.

Some of these are my own original ideas, some are adapted, some are cliches, and some are totally stolen from others. They are simply the list of idioms that I have put together which have helped me navigate life.

If you find something that works for you, please feel free to steal it for yourself.

Happy 2014 everybody!

#35@35

OUTRAGED: a note to people who don't agree with me

outrage

Man! Can you believe that thing that just happened? Where that person said that thing!? And then those people responding to that thing said such stupid stuff?? I AM OUTRAGED BY WHAT THOSE PEOPLE SAID!!

EVERYBODY on my facebook is talking about it.

It was about a new piece of legislation.

Actually, I’m pretty sure it was about the Methodist minister who just got defrocked.

Or wait, maybe it was the comments by the Duck Dynasty guy.

No, I’m sorry. It was totally the Chick Fil-a owners comments.

Anyway, it was one of those things, or something similar to that.

I’m trying to tell everybody what they should think, but they don’t seem to be listening to me no matter HOW LOUD I GET ABOUT IT.

I just don’t know what’s wrong with some people.

I mean, screaming at people is just how we’re supposed to deal with issues. That’s how politicians do it through the media. If you watch any TV cable news, they’re going to have multiple talking heads yelling at one another.

Because that’s the only way we can reach resolution: by smashing the other side to bits.

If you show a willingness to actually discuss a topic and validate the fact that other people have value whether you agree with them or not, that shows weakness, and nobody wants to hear what a weak person has to say.

Aristotle was 100% wrong when he said “it is the mark of an educated mind to be able to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” He SHOULD have said “people who don’t agree with me must be BLASTED ON FACEBOOK.”

Meek people never inherit anything.

Peacemakers are compromisers and should be ignored.

Mercy is is the ultimate sign that you don’t have any true convictions.

I know Jesus talks about those things in Matthew 5, but that must be one of those ‘non-literal’ parts of the Bible.

I like the part where Jesus makes a whip and runs a bunch of people out of the temple. I can't remember why he did that, I just like it.

So I’m going to keep arguing and yelling at people until they agree with me. I’ll never stop, because that would be abandoning my principles.

I’m sure you agree with me.

And if you don’t:

YOU’RE WRONG!!!!! WRONGEST PERSON EVER!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU THINK SOMETHING DIFFERENT!! IT’S MY CONSTITUTIONAL GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO TELL YOU HOW TO THINK!!!!!

NOW GO HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

The Problem with New Life

When we choose to follow Jesus, we are offered a new life. No. That's not right.

We are not just offered a new life. We're promised a new life.  We're called to have a new life. A life that God gives us.

"...anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)

This new life is rich and satisfying (John 10:10)

This new life is eternal (John 3:16)

This new life means our sins are washed away (Titus 3:5)

This new life means we are free from any and all enslavement (Romans 7:6)

Wow! What a great thing to have, this new life! Why in the world would anybody NOT want it? Nobody would say no to freedom and redemption and eternal joy. At least nobody who isn't crazy, right?

But there's a problem.

A life already exists in the place where this new life is supposed to exist. I mean, if you are giving me a new life, what does that mean to the life I now live?

There is only one possible solution:

The old life must die.

If I have a grove of orange trees, and I would rather have apple trees in the same place, my only real solution is to get rid of the orange trees.

But my old life wasn’t an orange tree. It was a briar patch.

Pulling up those thorny branches is going to take a long time. And it's going to hurt.

I could just clear a tiny bit of it and plant an apple tree, but it wouldn't take long for the briar to overgrow it and kill it.

No. If I want an apple orchard, I'm going to have to kill all the the briar patch.

Dietrich Bonheoffer said ‘When Christ calls a man, he bids him ‘come and die’.

Jesus told stories about how new wine can’t be placed in old wineskins.

If we want to follow Jesus and receive all the amazing benefits of that life – there’s going to be a great cost.

The cost of dying.

That's why Paul says this:

"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)

Nothing can free you from this correlation.

The more your old life stays alive, the less new life you have room for.

This cost ends up being a reason that many people never accept this amazing offer. Giving up what I have is scary, and difficult.

Jesus never pretends it will be easy. But he makes it pretty clear that it will be worth it.

Choose new life. Choose to remove what was there so that God can place new life in those spaces.

Anything less is not what God wants for us.

Guilt vs. Shame

I’m reading a book called Daring Greatly by Dr. Brene Brown right now. It’s a good book so far, and she has some great stuff to say. Right now, I reading about the difference between guilt and shame. It’s been useful, because I didn’t understand the distinction between these two concepts very clearly.

Guilt looks at a situation where you come up short of the standards you hold in your life and say ‘I did wrong’ or ‘I came up short there’.

Shame looks at those situations and says ‘I’m a horrible person’ or ‘I’m such a loser’.

Guilt is useful only insofar as it makes us aware of our need for the mercy that God so willingly gives us when we fall short, and the grace which empowers us to live a life closer to the one Jesus calls us to live.

Shame is wholly destructive, and leads us to believe that we don’t deserve the mercy and grace that God wants to share with us.

Brown makes the case that using shame to correct behavior is completely counter-productive in parenting, managing, teaching, or any other leadership situation.

I couldn’t agree more. We are all children of God, and we inherently all have worth.

Instead of calling people to live up to the standard of following Jesus, to the calling that God extends to us as partners in the ever expanding nature of his Kingdom, shame attacks their very self worth.

It’s an effective trick.

That must be why Satan likes it so much.

In the Garden of Eden, Satan tells Eve that she has no worth if she doesn’t eat the apple. “…as soon as you eat it…you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.” (Genesis 3:5)

If you don’t eat that apple, you’re going to stay a loser. Shame on you if you don’t eat that apple.

When Jesus was at the end of his 40 day fast, Satan came to Jesus and gave him several challenges. The first two started the same way: “If you are the Son of God…” (See Matthew 4:1-11)

Unlike the response he gets in the garden, Jesus does not let shame manipulate him. He looks to the guidance and standards given by God in the scriptures and avoids the trap.

Shame is still a favorite tool of our enemy today. When you find yourself devaluing the inherent worth you have as a person, adjust this internal monologue with what God says about us.

That you are beautifully and wonderfully made by God. (Psalm 139:13-15)

That God greatly values you. (Luke 12:6-7)

That nothing can separate us from God’s love. (Romans 8:38-39)

It’s okay if you see areas in your life that do not yet measure up to the life God has called you to live, but don’t think that’s where your self worth comes from. Those feelings of guilt are simply there to point you back to the one that says he is working in us, and won’t quit until the work is done. (Philippians 1:6)

What My Job (As A Pastor) Is Not

I have the amazing privilege of being a Pastor. It is, by far, the best job I have ever had. Not the easiest job - on the contrary, it’s more challenging than any other position I’ve ever held. But it is so worth it.

I get to help lead a community of people that follow Jesus in our goal of bringing God’s light and life and love to our local community. And you’re not going to believe this: they pay me to do it.

I know, nuts, right? But that’s where I am.

I’m about a couple weeks away from hitting my one year anniversary in this position. It feels like I only just got here. I have a better understanding of that story in the bible where Jacob works for 7 years to earn the right to marry Rachel, but because of how much he loved her, it only felt like a few days (Genesis 29:20)

In that year, something I have learned previously in ministry has proved itself true to me again: that you can’t make people passionate about something that they are not truly passionate about.

See, my job as a minister is not to make somebody a better follower of Jesus. I could preach and teach until I am blue in the face and I’m not going to create passion in somebody. I may be able to hype them up, but hype fades.

Passion lasts.

Hype is like fireworks: showy and exciting for a moment, but fades quickly. And it doesn’t accomplish much in the long run. You can’t cook a meal with fireworks.

Passion is like a a bonfire. It has tremendous energy and can accomplish great purposes. It can also grow and shrink, depending on whether you feed it.

And as I said, I cannot create passion within people for anything, let alone for Jesus.

The only one who can create passion in people is God.

So what is my job?

My role is to facilitate the passion that God gives to people. To help those who accept that passion and want to help it grow.

My job is to help these people connect to:

• God (by way of his Holy Spirit)
• God’s purposes in their live and the world at large (by helping them connect with the local and global community)
• God’s guidance (through reading and studying the scriptures)

I and the leadership team at my church work extremely hard to cultivate what God has given people in the places where they engage their passions.

We provide ministry opportunities: volunteering with our ministry teams like hospitality, creative arts, community outreach or children’s ministry

We invest in leadership development so that they can generate positive influence in their spheres of influence.

We have a Sunday Morning celebration so that people can engage with worship and teaching.

And we have discipleship opportunities like classes and small groups.

None of these processes, programs or ministries will ‘manufacture’ followers of Jesus.

Likewise, they will not cause people to become more passionate about God.

But they will act a fire in the life of a person who has accepted God’s passion and has started to burn brightly for him.

Our job is to maximize what God is doing in the life of the individuals in our community. To cultivate the growth that the Holy Spirit causes.

And that, in my opinion, is the best - and most challenging - job in the world.

Breaking the Rules

Recently, I heard Mike Krzyzewski (Coach K from Duke) speak about leadership. He talked about being the coach of Team USA, which included players like Kobe, Lebron, Kevin Durant, etc.

I dont’ know about you, but I was insanely curious to find out how he lead a team full of alpha dogs like that. And not only that, he led them in a way that left every single one of them singing his praises, after they won the Gold medal.

He revealed the approach he took with them: that he did not put a single rule in place for the team.

See, most NBA teams have rules like, ‘If you’re late for a meeting, you have to pay $1,000’. For somebody making $20+ million per year, this is basically a joke.

Coach K didn’t want to use meaningless fines to convince people to fully engage with what the team was doing.

So instead of rules, he asked the players of the team to help him create standards by which the team would conduct themselves.

Rules, he said, are external. But standards are something we hold internally. They are how we truly judge our actions.

So the team created standards: Nobody late for a meeting. No bad practices. Nothing short of a Gold Medal.

Coach K told us that nobody was ever late for a meeting. Nobody had a bad practice. In the London Olympics, they took home the Gold Medal.

I realized that I had made a similar switch from rules to standards in my own life, I just hadn’t recognized that change.

But lately, I have been seeking an overall standard for everything I do. A lens whereby I can view everything I do and don’t do and determine whether I’m doing the right thing.

For some people, the phrase What Would Jesus Do? filled this role in the 90s.

To be honest, I was never really in love with this standard.

I have no idea if Jesus would watch this movie, or read that book, or how much money Jesus would give to that charity.

Jesus lived in a totally different culture than mine.

I learn a ton of valuable principles from Jesus, but I also know this: I’m not Jesus.

There’s a lot of stuff he did that I haven’t been able to do yet (see: raising people from the dead). And there’s a lot of stuff I do that Jesus never would (we can start the list with driving a car and move into other stuff like ‘being selfish’).

So WWJD was a nice idea that didn’t work for me.

Here’s what I’ve come up with lately: before I do or don’t do anything, I’m trying to ask myself the following question:

Is this helping me become more like Jesus?

Because while I may never be just like Jesus, I can certainly become more like him. And I believe that is exactly what I have been called to do.

To be honest, I haven’t fully deployed this question in my life because I’m scared of where it will take me.

I’m going to have to start doing some stuff that I would probably rather avoid. And there’s stuff that I’ll probably have to stop doing that I like.

The thing is, I know that becoming more like Jesus is going to outweigh anything I have to sacrifice or give up.

I want that to be a standard in my life. Something I aspire to instead of a rule that mocks me when I fail.

What standards do you hold up before you?